Saturday, October 29, 2016

What's Scarier Than Halloween?


            It's the time of year when leaves fall, temperatures drop, and pumpkin everything shows up.  It's also the time when lots of ghosts, goblins, and ghoulies show up in stores, on lawns, and especially on TV.  I don't pay much attention to it anymore, with the exception of planning costumes for myself and my girls, and the occasional trip to the pumpkin patch.

            But lately something strange has been happening, and I feel I have to weigh in.  So far as I can tell, Halloween is the only holiday when some Christians are bent on separating themselves from its traditions and customs.  Most cite the day's pagan origins and say that the celebration of such is akin to devil worship, making every trick 'or treater in a Paw Patrol costume a practitioner of evil.  While I understand the reasons and in no way scoff at anyone's decision to celebrate Halloween or not, the logic is a little hard to follow. 

            Especially when you remember that Easter and Christmas used to be pagan holidays, too. 

           The historical context is simple: Early clergy wanted to draw converts to Christ, so they merged existing pagan celebrations of the spring equinox and winter solstice (Beltane and Yule), with celebrations of Christ's resurrection and birth, respectively.  Which is why we still have Easter bunnies, egg hunts, Christmas trees, and Yule logs.  By the same logic of avoidance, you would have to eschew all these activities as well, because celebrating anything pagan is evil, right?

          "Halloween is evil, but leave the Christ in Christmas!" Right.

           The problem here is not in black and white, but a very fuzzy grey that makes it clear there are far more pressing matters Christians should be addressing.  If God sees into our hearts, then I can't imagine He would get hung up on taking the kids trick 'or treating when one out of three kids in America goes to bed hungry at night.  In fact, I think the Lord cares much more about how we treat each other every day, not on petty details of who dresses up as what. 

          Especially this year, there are far more frightening dangers lurking in our world.  Hunger, war, pain, suffering, and all the darkest and most vile crimes humanity is capable of, all have me much more scared than fake vampire teeth and carved pumpkins.  Only light can penetrate darkness, and the best way to do it is to let our words and actions be filled with love and kindness.  We can't do it by nitpicking at each other over which holidays to celebrate or which day of the week is the real Sabbath. 

           Don't we have better things to tackle? Like the people suffering in silence in our communities, the broken, the hurting, the lost?  Our first mission, our only mission, should be to show such mighty love to these, that no darkness can survive. 

            If you think a bunch of plastic spiders or fake blood is strong enough to defeat the light of love, then you seriously need to re-examine your faith.  And read up on the true history of your favorite holidays before you turn your nose up at others.  Because while you were "educating" everyone on the evils of Halloween, you probably missed an opportunity to really help someone.

Friday, October 7, 2016

Tip # 3- Let Your Kids See You Cry (Really, it's Okay)


                I wish to all that is holy, that people would stop expecting mothers to be perfect all the time.  I wish there were never any condescending smiles and fake sympathy from childless people watching you herd small children through the grocery store, sweaty and bedraggled as they whine and stomp like candy-craving dinosaurs.

                How many of us would come through endless round-the-clock parenting of unreasonable little people unscathed? Not very many, and those who do usually hire help.  I haven't curled my hair or bothered with everyday makeup in years, and I am well aware that my new mom curves fill out these yoga pants more than they used to.  In fact, I am painfully aware of it. Believe me, I would love nothing more than to put myself together and clean house, finding time to cook something homemade and domestically spectacular as a Norman Rockwell painting.  .

               Trying to please everyone is exhausting and heart-breaking.  So in order to survive, we have to let some things go.  Designer fashions, leisurely morning coffee, hair and makeup primping, all have been dropped in favor of making sure my children are fed, clean, and happy.  It's a massive task we've undertaken, preparing the next generation for a world that is horrifyingly broken and scary. 

So why is everyone surprised when we break down and cry once in awhile?

              If you're a mom, you've probably heard such well-meaning but condescending phrases such as "You'll miss all this someday," or "What do you have to be stressed about?", or my personal favorite "Oh, but the time goes by fast!".  Um, no, no it doesn't.  Not when you're in the trenches every single day, no breaks, no days off.  The sleep deprivation alone is enough to break one's spirit, thank you very much.

              And while most of the time we soldier on, putting on our tired smiles when asked if the kids are "keeping us busy", inside we are breaking down.  We want to scream, cry, laugh insanely, and long for a deep, reassuring hug from someone, anyone who sees our struggle.

              When I first became a mom, I was very careful not to cry in front of my daughter.  I would put her down in her crib to scream for a few minutes so I could hide in the laundry room and cry hysterically for 5 minutes.  But then, it became too much to try and keep up a front for my child and husband as well as everyone else.

               So I cried.

               I cried in the car, in the bathroom, while cleaning, fixing dinner, or most often curled up in the fetal position on the couch.  And when my sweet toddler would ask Mommy what was wrong, I would look right at her, smile, and tell her the truth- that Mommy needs to cry once in awhile to feel better, even if she doesn't have an owie.  Nowadays, Evie doesn't get worried and just brings Mommy tissues.

               You see, the act of crying is a release of tension, not a sign of weakness.  It's letting off the extra stress and toxic crud that makes us break down from the inside out.  Don't we always feel better after, more in control?  Of course! Then why should any mom feel ashamed for crying?

               And when our children see that we are not ashamed to cry, that it's a normal, healthy action, they won't be ashamed to do it, either.  Instead, they will learn that it's a perfectly acceptable display of one's feelings, and might even reach out to comfort those they see doing it.  It's at the heart of the most important lesson I could ever teach them:

              Kindness matters.