Hello, Tornado Season, Goodbye Sanity

         Springtime in Arkansas can get, shall we say, "eventful".  I'm not talking about trees and flowers blooming, or fishing, or Easter egg hunts, or any of the typical springtime activities.  Nope, now is usually the time of year I start keeping a pair of shoes and a flashlight beside the bed in case we are woken by that magical siren less than a block from our house. 

          You see, tornado watches and warnings are standard here in western Arkansas.  The moisture and warming air make for perfect tornado conditions, though we really only worry if the sky turns a pea-soup green.  I never used to fear tornado weather, until I had kids.  Now I picture a twister ripping the roof off our house and debris flying everywhere while we huddle in the bathroom. 

           It doesn't help that we are now in full-on potty training mode with our 3-year-old daughter.  So far, she's done very well with only a few accidents here and there, but we're not out of the woods yet.  So in addition to dealing with a toddler wandering out of her room 10 times after lights out debating if she has to pee or not, I have the extra delight of trying to settle a 4-month-old infant down to sleep.  And by "sleep", I mean stay still and quiet long enough to grab a bite to eat, a shower, or *GASP* some time alone!

           While these struggles are pretty standard for parents, it can be bedlam for a railroad family like ours.  Case in point: Jon was recently called to Shreveport on a trip, which typically lasts 2 days before he comes home.  He was stuck in the hotel down there for 3 days, gone for 4 total.  That meant 4 days mostly alone with a potty training toddler and a clingy baby obsessed with my breasts.  Easter Sunday we were sitting in a pew with my mother, stepfather, and mother-in-law, and everyone was so happy and joyful.

           Except me.

           Don't get me wrong, I tried to put on my best happy face and hide the fact that I was a depressed, exhausted mess.  And deep down, I was truly happy and grateful for the Resurrection and the knowledge that Christ chose us, chose people like me.  But I just wasn't feeling the ambient cheerfulness of all the brightly colored flowers and Easter clothes around me.  I was on my battleground, trying feebly not to let the depression win.

           You have to understand, thanks to medication I'm okay most days.  Life is still bonkers, but I can handle the bonkers with a much more level head than I would without the medicine.  But some days, when Jon is far from home and there's no end in sight, I get pretty damn lonely without my partner, my teammate.  There's no doubt I would not be able to hack it as a military wife, not without a close web of other military wives around me.

           Now that Jon is home, I'm a little better but still being a neurotic little ball of nerves.  Today we agreed that once he got home from his rules testing, I would have uninterrupted mommy time.  But even while trying to relax, my little hyperactive June Cleaver brain is so busy obsessing over chores that need doing, I can't enjoy it.  Not even a little.  Instead, all I can think about is how disgusting the bathroom is, the clean laundry in the living room waiting to be folded, and how all that has to be done before the girls' play date tomorrow afternoon. 

           Fun, huh? 

          No wonder I've been shedding my hair like a Saint Bernard lately.  Not much left to do but polish off my hard cider and loaf around a bit more.  But if you hear a little mouse getting up at midnight to scrub the toilet...don't check on it.