My Kryptonite

Ugh........

Mornings are not my strong suit. Never have been.

I wish I could be one of those bright-eyed morning people who accomplish everything by noon and quietly breeze through the rest of the day with an easy confidence.  But I'm not.

Despite ongoing sinus congestion and now a cough, Katie Beth slept alright between feedings last night.  It was Mama who tossed and turned from 3am until 7am until Daddy took the baby and sent her back to bed.

All superheroes have a weakness; mornings are mine.

I guess I got into the habit in college theater, and it suited my night owl persona.  Tech rehearsal till midnight? Sure! Strike a set and load out at 2am? No problem! Biology lab at 8am on a Wednesday? I'm the walking dead.  The problem with this habit is that toddlers and babies are largely morning people.  Very happy, hyper morning people who need sippy cups, diaper changes, and activity and need it all RIGHT NOW.

The only things keeping me conscious right now are coffee and writing, and the only person keeping me sane is my wonderful husband who lets me sleep whenever possible.  He officially starts back to work this weekend, and I'm seriously considering tying him up in the laundry room so he can't leave.  Not all wives are so lucky to have a man who does so much without their asking, and this guy has been invaluable the past couple of months.

So while Lissa the wonderful cleaning lady organizes the master bedroom and digs through my closet, I am sitting here trying to stay awake until the baby wakes up for her next feeding.  A good part of last night was spent thinking about that and being embarrassed at the thought of her tidying my messes.  But maybe it's enough for now that I work on the mess inside my head first, so that I can be there for Jon and the kids.  Maybe I'm not a lazy slob, but a sleep-deprived and depressed mother struggling to survive these early days. 

I so wish society would relax its expectations of new moms and more of us would seek help.  Most of the time, our own insecurities cripple us like kryptonite does Superman, and we become victims of our own criticism.  This blog was founded to fight that mentality of trying to be perfect all the time, so it doesn't do me any good to lament my lack of energy and productivity lately. 

Instead, I think I'll try and count the things I can do; change diapers, feed the baby, rock her to sleep, read stories with Evie, drink coffee, write, throw laundry in. 

I think that's more than enough to earn my Superman cape, right?